Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
im having a threesome with these popsicles
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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