lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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