You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
