The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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