I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
There's always time for handjobs
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
