The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
