we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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