we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
