I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
