Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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