she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
