I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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