Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
