I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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