i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm sobbing to NWA
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
