you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
