i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Randomize
