hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
