i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
