but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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