I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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