I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
