forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
