i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
