I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize
