so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
