I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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