I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
tell me about the fingering
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