He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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