He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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