If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
