Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
