We're like a lot better than the average bears
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
