you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
