we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
