wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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