She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
