cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
They are going to name an STD after you.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
jump out the window naked night went bad
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
