i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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