Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
