i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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