i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
