I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
