I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
