I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
