Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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