two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
where are my eyebrows?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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