U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
The beer is more important than you right now.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
