Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
