I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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