my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
