There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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