Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
